


Any time is a good time to get a pet (wars included)

by Momoichi



Category: Fate/Zero
Genre: Diarmuid is trying to fix stuff, Kayneth has issues, M/M, Pets, Sola generally doing whatever the hell she wants, also keep all dogs away from him, and pigs too, bad decisions turning out to be good decisions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-20
Updated: 2017-08-20
Packaged: 2018-12-17 22:33:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11860992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Momoichi/pseuds/Momoichi
Summary: 'You... bought a dog...?' Kayneth asked, frowning at the ball of hair his wife just carried in.'Yes, you don't like it?' she asked calmly, but her eyes were narrowed in a warning.'N-no, it's... the best thing to have when fighting in a foreign country... I mean, if you want it, you can keep it, of course!'looking a little dispirited, he tried to smile at the end of the sentence.'Who will go on walks with it?' he asked carefully.'Darling, you wouldn't want me to go strolling through the city when we're ''fighting in a foreign country''...'





	Any time is a good time to get a pet (wars included)

**Author's Note:**

> I'm doing a one-shot instead of trying to finish any of my chapter works, yay!  
> Honestly, trying to write these past months has been a lot like getting caught under the water wheel and getting hit on the head in regular intervals. I find that I'm never capable of writing the stuff I want to write the most and unable to carry out anything that I might be able to. .-.  
> But hey, at least you know that I'm alive.  
> Any feedback is huuuuuuugely appreciated. Pointing out what I messed up is also appreciated as long as it wouldn't make me wanna crawl into a cave for the rest of my life.

'You... bought a dog...?' Kayneth asked, frowning at the ball of hair his wife just carried in.

'Yes, you don't like it?' she asked calmly, but her eyes were narrowed in a warning.

'N-no, it's... the best thing to have when fighting in a foreign country... I mean, if you want it, you can keep it, of course!' looking a little dispirited, he tried to smile at the end of the sentence.

'Who will go on walks with it?' he asked carefully.

'Darling, you wouldn't want me to go strolling through the city when we're ''fighting in a foreign country''...' she pointed out, caressing the side of his face.

'Naturally... you- it's just as you say...!' Kayneth straightened his back, cheeks going pink. That was the first time she called him that.

'Master, is something the matter? I sense a new presence in the house.' lancer appeared next to them, alert.

Kayneth gritted his teeth. If it wasn't for the sudden intervention, this could have been the most promising moment in long months.

'It's a puppy. Didn't you use to keep a lot of dogs?' Sola responded immediately, voice high with excitement as she almost forced the animal into servant's arms, taking care to brush hands with him by accident.

'Yes. The Fianna kept the best dogs in all of Ireland! My Mac and Chuill never failed to fell even the biggest stag.' Diarmuid spoke with a fond smile as the pup licked his fingers.

Sola nodded furiously, eyes locked on his mouth.

'He's a little small but I'm sure that in a year or two in a dark room with proper training he'll make a decent hunting dog. Don't let it see the daylight or drink a single drop of blood unti-'

'Sola.' Kayneth spoke up, face tense.

'..I think you should choose some other pet.'

 

 

The doors eased open again as Sola manoeuvred her way into the flat backwards.

'What is it this time?' Kayneth asked anxiously, frowning when it seemed to be something bigger than before.

'It's a pig.'

'A pig?' Kayneth lifted up one eyebrow. That certainly wasn't an animal noble enough for their lineage.

As Sola started cuddle the little barrel of pink hairy skin, it was almost depressing. Even a pig seemed to be more worthy of affection than him.

'Master-'

'Yes, lancer, it's just another animal. Can't you differentiate it from people?!' frustrated, Kayneth barked at his servant who emerged just behind his back when he least expected it.

The silence that came as a response was particularly unsettling. Turning around, he found Diarmuid standing with his lances gripped tight, face white as a chalk.

'You... are afraid of the pig?'

'I apologise for the unsightly display, but I was fated to be killed by a boar in revenge for my father taking it's life and now it's back to drag me into the Netherworld again!'

'What you said doesn't make any sense.' Kayneth said sharply, rolling his eyes. Having a servant afraid of swine could only happen to him, of course.

'I apologise, master. I will serve you in any other way but please, do not make me go near that foul creature!'

'You are useless.'

 

 

The pig didn't turn out to be such a bad choice. Sola seemed put-off by the fact that it only made Diarmuid avoid her all the more, going as far as climbing on the curtains when she approached while carrying it in her arms. But that was just one of the many advantages.

The animal was surprisingly smart and cuddly and it's skin was soft and warm. When petting it, it almost seemed like a human contact, which was a thing Kayneth never knew he needed until he married.

Even with all that, he returned to a surprisingly empty flat one day, just to find out that Sola had ended up returning it.

Realising that that was the moment when he was once again stripped of affection, he started a bottle of cognac and refused to speak to his wife for three hours straight.

Sola found that that was the only advantage the entire plan had.

Cat was the next choice.

 

 

'It's so like you, Sola.' Kayneth groaned after getting scratched while petting it again.

'I know, I fell in love with her on the first sight. She has such a lovely fur.' purring, the cat hopped on her lap, suddenly all too timid.

'More like how it graciously refuses to love me.' he muttered under his breath, rubbing the long graze on his arm.

'Were you saying something?' looking up from her book, Sola only registered the defiant tone. The cat started nuzzling her hand.

'Nothing at all.' Kayneth answered, sitting down opposite her on the sofa, opening the newspapers.

'And it loves Diarmuid so much too, are you sure that you're just not handling her wrong?' she offered with an innocent smile.

'Anything you say.' he groaned in response. ''Loving Diarmuid'' meant that the feline was just extremely fond of getting under his feet when he was training or patrolling, an act that the servant seemed to hate with passion. Still, it was some form of attention and Kayneth realised that he was jealous of him even when it came to cats.

'We should have kept Sir Beauregard.' he found himself complaining.

'I told you it was too early to name the pig.' Sola noted coldly, picking up the cat as she stood up.

'I'm going shopping.'

'What? Sola you said that-'

'Any more day locked up here is danger to my sanity. Here, hold her.' dumping the cat on his lap, she brushed off the hairs from her pants and left after grabbing her handbag and coat.

When the doors slammed close the cat almost jumped up, burying her claws in Kayneth's thighs, who jumped up even higher.

'Get off you damned freak!'

'Master-' appearing on his right side, Diarmuid instantly dropped on his right knee in a deep bow.

'I wasn't calling you!' close to shouting, Kayneth finally succeeded in getting the cat on the ground, hissing when he lowered himself back on the sofa.

'Should I watch over ms Sola while she's out?'

'Well, wouldn't she love that?!' he snarled sarcastically.

'I'm sorry master, has something happened?' lancer looked up worriedly. Scowling even more, his master snapped at him.

'Aren't you the smartest of the whole Fianna?!'

'No, master, I'm actually-'

'I don't care!' feeling like his head might explode, Kayneth clenched and unclenched his fists, trying to keep his face expressionless. His breath came in short, uneven puffs.

Sitting on his heels, Diarmuid took all that in, concerned. Carefully, he took hold of one of his arms and before his master started shouting at him in exasperation, he placed it on the top of his head.

'WHA- what is... that..?!' Kayneth wanted to start yelling but his hand touched something incredibly soft.

'I was told that rubbing my hair calms people down.' Diarmuid responded, his dark eyes gravely serious.

'That's ridiculous.' his master breathed out but instead of retracting his hand, he started brushing the thick mane of hair. It felt like the finest silk.

'It... might help a little...' he admitted after a while.

'Master, may I move a bit?'

'Where...? Do whatever.' El-Melloi said calmly, shrugging his shoulders.

Carefully, lancer shook of his hand, moving to lay on the couch. His feet were dangling over the arm rest at one side, but he rested his head in Kayneth's lap. Looking up at his master's surprised face, he realised that this probably wasn't the best course of action, even when Grania wouldn't have it any other way. Opening up his mouth to apologise for such a presumptuous behaviour, he lifted himself up on his elbows only to get knocked back.

'Don't move around.' Kayneth warned, yawning.

Lancer turned to side, cheeks pink from embarrassment and once again felt the fingers gently combing his hair.

After a long moment of silence, El-Melloi suddenly started talking.

'Even the stupid cat hates me, what am I doing wrong?' it seemed like a rhetorical question, and Diarmuid wasn't sure if he was even supposed to hear it, but he felt eyes on him, so he felt compelled to answer.

'I just think that it's her character. Some cats only attach to one person.' he replied anxiously.

'I suppose so. My family never kept any animals except for horses. I'm allergic to horses.' Kayneth spoke slowly, almost sleepily, still brushing his hair.

'I couldn't live without horses. Every man of the Fianna had at least one. But I suppose that they're not that important now when you have cars and other rides.'

'And you had children too,... with Graine...?

'Yes, we had four sons and a daughter. When I died, she was expecting our sixth child.' Diarmuid couldn't grasp how horses connect to that, but didn't want to point that out after he succeeded in calming him down.

'That must have been nice. I want some children too. I need to. If I don't a branch of Archibald family would die out. But still, I'd love to have a son... or a daughter...' he yawned again.

'...would be nice...'

Apparently saying all that he needed to, Kayneth went quiet again. After a while, even his hand stopped caressing lancer's hair. Alarmed, Diarmuid looked up.

His master fell asleep, head resting on the rim of the sofa. His chest rose and fell in regular intervals, face devoid of the usual tension.

 

 

When Sola returned home, it was eerily quiet. Making as little sound as possible, she opened the doors leading further into the flat.

Petrified, she watched lancer lay her motionless husband down on the sofa. She felt the colour rising to her cheeks.

Diarmuid had just killed him so they could run away! It was all too sudden! She had no idea that he finally started reciprocating her feelings!

With a smile, he beckoned her closer.

Still standing in the living room with her coat and boots on, she dropped her handbag on the floor with a loud bang, hurrying off to him.

'SHH!' he hissed angrily, putting one finger in front of his mouth.

'He just fell asleep.' he whispered on softly.

The smile dropped off her face as she stopped.

'Well, amazing job.' she noted dryly, picking up her handbag again, angry from another disappointment.

While she wanted a man that'd sweep her off her feet, a man she could love with all the fervent passion that'd give meaning to her mundane life, she got a babysitter.

'Are you still going somewhere?' lancer whispered, confused.

'I'm returning the cat.'

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm here for those of you who don't get why should lancer be afraid of pigs and it's story time!
> 
> So, it was usual at that time for kids to be put for rearing into other families and Diarmuid ended up being raised at a court with another kid, the son of a steward. When his dad dropped by to say hi, he found out that some steward kid was getting as much attention as his highborn son and that pissed him off. So when he had the chance, he killed him, trying to fashion it like an accident. It was found out and the steward used druid mumbo jumbo to revive his son as a big boar destined to kill Diarmuid.   
> Let's skip to the aftermath of the entire running away with Grania thing. Finn found out that he couldn't kill him, so he gave them an okay and they married and had kids. When they invited him one time(Grania's idea), Finn lured Diarmuid out on a hunt on that specific boar. Note: up to that time Diarmuid had no clue about his curse. And yeah, the boar and him killed each other. Finn had the power to heal him but was such a dougebag that he went at it so slow that Diarmuid died.   
> \- The end -
> 
> And yes, Diarmuid's hair is really magical. And no, he doesn't need to sing for it to work. :P


End file.
